


What Could We Have Done Differently?

by NiagaraLucas



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Heavy Angst, Im Neutral On Takes, No Happy Ending Fest, One-Sided Relationship, RIP Sasha ILY, Reader goes OFF, Reader lets Eren have IT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:29:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29203632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiagaraLucas/pseuds/NiagaraLucas
Summary: After the attack on Marley and the death of your beloved friend, You realize that you are unable to continue with your current relationship due to all the pain you've gone through. Spoilers for S4 episode 8 and a very tiny manga spoiler!
Relationships: Eren Yeager & Reader, Eren Yeager/Reader, Eren Yeager/You, Levi Ackerman/Hange Zoe (background)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 43





	What Could We Have Done Differently?

**Author's Note:**

> Let's be real, you will probably have read this once the 'spoiler' makes it into the anime. Anyway enjoy reading through my own projected feelings and I hope you are flying high my potato baby! Cause it'll be along time before I get over you...

"Captain Levi, Hange, can I have a minute alone with him?" (Y/N) asked the adults as she turned to them, a hardened look on her face.

Levi was about to reject the request when the experimenter placed a hand on his shoulder, already having the older Yeager brother in her grip and motioning for Yelena to leave as well.

The older Ackerman knew the look Hange was giving him, and he also knew the look the young cadet had on right now.

The face of someone who needs to let everything they had been keeping in until now out.

Levi knew that feeling better than anyone, even if he himself has never gone through with that urge. "Tch. Okay brat, I'll give you your minute. Just make sure you get your message across."

She saluted him, "I promise I will, Sir!"

With that, he turned on his heel to head to door to the connecting room, staying back to watch his partner give a bear hug to the young scout.

* * *

Soon enough (Y/N) heard Yelena shut the door; her head immediately whipping around to face Eren who had been released from his chains at her behest. She tried to make her face or at least her eyes look as intimidating as possible because for the first time in a long while she was boiling over with rage. And he needed to be aware of that.

Unbeknownst to her, he was. Which is why he was using his long hair as a curtain to avoid making eye contact.

He hated seeing her this way more than he hated his enemies' every waking breath.

"Why do you look so down baby? You should be happy right now. I mean Hange just told me you were having a laughing fit before I came back in here."

The first move.

Eren's stomach had plummeted to his feet. "Why would I be happy?"

_BAM!_

Startled, he found that (Y/N) had kicked the crate next to her hard enough to demolish it, the pieces flying everywhere like bullets. He dared to peek, she was absolutely seething. So much so that he expected steam to pour out of her ears. He was glad he wasn't the crate. He had a feeling Levi taught her that. Though, he also had a foreboding sense that he would be next if he said the wrong thing.

"Why would you be happy!? Eren! All of this is on you!" She screamed at him. "Didn't you want this to happen!? To finally reap the vengeance for your mom, my brother, and every single person we've lost over the years!? You should be fucking celebrating!"

The teal eyed man decided to nod.

She was right after all.

"Well I'm glad you agree, because once again your recklessness has become a giant pain for us all. Mikasa told me you went insane on civilians and children. She didn't recognize you, I hope you understand that. For Ymir's sake, Eren! They were fucking children! They had nothing to do with this or us!"

Eren tried to look away again, "They,...got in my way. You do remember that we were their age when-"

"THAT'S NO FUCKING EXCUSE! THEY GOT IN YOUR WAY!? THAT'S BULLSHIT! WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LEAVE THE THEATER AND DEMOLISH THE ACTUAL MARLEY GOVERNMENT BUILDING AND LEAVE IT AT THAT!? THEIR INVASION PLAN ON PARADIS WOULD HAVE BEEN SET BACK!"

A silence fell on them. It was so uncomfortable.

(Y/N) took a deep breath and pinched her nose as she leaned against the wall. It felt like an eternity passed before she spoke up again. "So what if we were their age? Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie made their choice way before we knew them. The fact of the matter is that they just didn't break something in you that day, they also broke me and Mikasa, and Armin as well. Something we'll never get back."

"Don't you think I know that?" Eren hissed.

"Of course I do! The point I'm trying to make here is that we finally had the chance to be the bigger person. Ever since we found out Marley existed, I finally had some type of hope. Hope I'd never thought I would have again. And now you've poisoned all those people with the same trauma we were so close to moving on from!"

The angered man before her squeezed his fists, "Are you kidding? Why would you ever let yourself think that? Have hope."

Once again to his surprise, (Y/N) was the one to have a giggle fit this time. She made a point to come back to the massacre he went through with later. "Are you that fucking oblivious Yeager? Look outside, we're flying above an entire nation. One, that I might add is way more advanced than back home."

Eren raised his one visible brow, "Meaning..."

"MEANING THAT THERE WOULD'VE BEEN AT LEAST ONE GOVERNMENT HEAD WE COULD'VE CONVINCED THAT WE'RE NOT THE DEVILS THEY CLAIM WE ARE!" She hollered at him.

He felt a snicker climbing in his throat. He forced it down in order to ask another question, "You really believe that?"

She placed a hand over her heart, "Yes! It's literally all I have been thinking about these past four years!" She let out a another scream as she gripped her hair.

Eren held out his hand, concern finally replacing whatever darkness had over his own heart for the past hour. "Are you all right?"

"NO EREN! I'M NOT ALL RIGHT! BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T I GO WITH JEAN WHEN HE FIRST CAME TO MARLEY SO I COULD'VE GONE THROUGH WITH MY OWN PLAN!?"

Concern was replaced with absolute shock as his eyes widened, "Plan,...(Y/N) what the fuck are you talking about!? What the hell do you mean by 'plan'!?"

"I..." She lowered her head in shame. Eren didn't think that emotion suited her. Because why was she the one to feel that way right now? "If I had gone with Jean, I had planned to breakaway from him and reveal myself to the Marleyan police so they would take me to see their bosses."

What?

WHAT THE FUCK!?

Those were the only words racing through Eren's mind. "ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY (Y/N)!? YOU DO KNOW THAT THEY-"

"They could've what? Killed me on the spot? Of course, because after all I'm nothing more than a piece of shit Eldian Devil who needs to be wiped from the face of the Earth. Just like you. I mean you just proved it tonight."

Well that surely shut him up.

"Did anyone else know about this?" Eren finally asked, he held his face in his large hand as he felt a headache starting to form.

"Mikasa."

"What?"

"Mikasa. I told her. I'm surprised she didn't tell you. At least she promised she wouldn't stop me."

Eren was really glad he was sitting down, he felt so damn weak. And he HATED feeling weak. Wait, he just gained another Titan didn't he? There was no reason he should be feeling like this. Unless,...this feeling in particular stemmed from something else. He decided to focus on it later, "Were you at least confident that you could pull it off?"

She blinked in confusion, like she didn't expect him to ask something like that. "Seriously? Hell no, I was terrified the more I planned it out and knew I would be if actually went through it."

"What exactly were you trying to do?"

"What was I-!? Obviously I was going to give this big speech to Marley to prove to them that we're not dangerous! I was going to tell them about you, everyone, our family. That we're a peaceful people and all we wanted to do was live in harmony with them. To make sure they willingly called off the operation."

Eren was speechless, amazed, and everything in between.

(Y/N) let out a sigh. "You don't have to say anything, I know it was a pipe dream but I wanted to give it a try. At least I'm still breathing. I just wanted to finally stop all this bloodshed." She faced the younger Yeager, tears flooding her eyes, "Eren, all this death and heartache and chaos, we're trapped in this cycle, a cycle I wanted to break for a long time. Even if I had to do it by myself."

It was quiet once again between them, until that was broken by the sound of footsteps heading towards the tall male, he didn't even have time to comprehend the fact he was dangling by his feet until he realized (Y/N) was lifting him up by his collar and screaming her throat raw into his face, "BUT OH FUCKING NO YOU JUST COULDN'T LET THAT HAPPEN! BECAUSE ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS STOOPING DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL SINCE ITS WHAT THEY FUCKING DESERVE! EVEN IF IT MEANS YOU COULD THINK OF YOURSELF AS A FUCKING HERO EVEN AS YOU TAKE THE LIVES OF THE INNOCENTS WHO PROBABLY DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO WAR! YOU HAVE YOUR HEAD SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT YOU DON'T EVEN CARE TO THINK IF THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES TO YOUR ACTIONS, DO YOU, YEAGER!? WELL GUESS WHAT! THERE ARE! BECAUSE YOU MADE SURE THAT WE WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO CONVINCE THEM! NOT IN ANOTHER 1,000 YEARS! OUR LIFETIME!"

She dropped him back on the bench and then turned her back to him.

"Why didn't you?" He asked, suspiciously unfazed.

(Y/N) held her arms and squeezed them hard, "Didn't what?"

"Why didn't you do it? I wouldn't have stopped you."

She whipped her head around, a sneer plastered on her face, "'Wouldn't have stopped me', huh. Glad you can joke at a time like this. You're lucky I'm still gonna tell you."

Eren waited in anticipation, it wasn't good as he felt like throwing up no matter what her answer was.

"The letters."

"My letters?"

"Yes, Eren. Your. Mother. Fucking. Letters."

He knew it. He knew the reason would be his fault. "Well (Y/N), what about them?"

"What about-!? EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM!" She held her face in her hands this time as Eren could see the tears leak out of them. He wished he could comfort her but that would probably end with her throwing him out of the airship. "Every single one we got was so detailed and a lot of your reasoning just made sense because I don't think anyone had the nerve to even think about unleashing something so batshit crazy. In short, we were mad and you reminded us of that."

"I did?"

She wanted to smack him. How dare he act like he did nothing wrong when everything that went wrong is because of him. "You should know, when I read them, I think I finally snapped."

Snapped?

"What do you mean by that?" He inquired.

She lifted her face so he could see her puffy red eyes. "Something inside me changed. Something dark within me finally surfaced. And that something told me to abandon my plan and agree to yours. I don't know if you realize, but I sure as hell did do that."

Eren was stunned. How long has she felt like this? The other scouts for that matter?

"The thing is Eren, you really are to blame. You incited us, riled us up, I could honestly go on and on. Because that's what you do. You need to bring us down with you to justify what you've done. Unlike you, all we wanted to grab some sense of normalcy left." (Y/N) then bent down to pick up one of the remains of the crate. "So I suggest you wake the hell up, especially since Jean was right."

The male felt his skin prickle at that kind of thought. "What could Kirstein have possibly been right about?"

The next time he blinked, he felt his hair blow past his face and he heard the piece of wood the (h/c) girl was holding a mere second ago splinter off into even more pieces behind him.

Did she just try to-

"SASHA IS FUCKING DEAD AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! THE ONLY REASON THAT KID WAS ABLE TO KILL HER IS BECAUSE YOU FELT IT WAS YOUR CIVIL RIGHT TO GET US INVOLVED!"

Holy crap. They've been in this heated argument for Ymir knows how long that he had actually forgot. What kind of asshole was he? He had heard Jean tell him that same thing earlier, but to hear it from her just made it cut him deeper.

He then saw her fall to her knees; tears flowed more freely as she continued to pour her heart out, "Sasha,...my sister, Mikasa's sister. She was Connie's other half, Jean and Armin's best friend, and everyone else's friends. Even you, Eren. Oh hell, I don't think I can be there when Niccolo finds out. I don't want to see him cry."

The brunette lowered his head. That's right. Sasha was his friend too. He forgot that as well. It seems like he's been forgetting a lot of things lately.

"I can't,...I-" (Y/N) stood up and wiped her eyes. "The second we found out where you were, we should've disguised ourselves and dragged you back from that hospital by force if we had to. I'm pretty sure the co Captain would've loved to have done the dragging himself. But for some reason I found it pretty damn hard to just open my fucking mouth and suggest that to him."She then let out another sigh and started to twirl the gold band on her ring finger. A habit she picked up when she was upset or nervous.

Eren usually found it cute but now that foreboding sense he felt earlier when he was worried he would be kicked in the face by her changed into something worse as he watched her fiddle with it.

"Listen, I've made a decision. I can't do this anymore." (Y/N) practically whispered, like she dreaded saying those words. Despite the fact she knew it was the right choice to make to gain back her life and her waning happiness. "After Sasha's funeral, I'm quitting the Survey Corps and moving back to the walls to live with my parents."

Eren's eyes widened for the second time as he felt his heart race, "Wait (Y/N),...what exactly are you trying to say? Are you..." He couldn't bare to say it because he knew he'd accept it at the moment. Not yet.

"Yes, Eren. I'm so sorry but you and I are through. I'm not going to marry you. I can't be with someone who refuses to let go and move forward which just ends up causing trouble for everyone else." With that, she removed the band.

He had flashbacks to when he first proposed. He was happy. She was happy. Their friends were happy. It was like all darkness finally dissipated and they knew that they had a bright future ahead of them. The first time any of them felt like they had nothing to fear since they first felt the ocean waves.

So what the fuck happened?

Let's recap, a genocide of some of the truly innocent ones, Sasha dying, he's lost his friends' trust in him, Niccolo will without a doubt never talk to him again, he'll probably face serious repercussions when they finally land, and he's no longer engaged to the love of his life. All for what? Payback? Hannes once told him that there are times when some revenge isn't worth it. 

Was this one of those times?

He was trying to pinpoint what exactly went wrong as he felt (Y/N)'s delicate, soft hand in his own calloused and damaged one drop the ring in it. He gripped them both, not wanting to let her go. He was glad when she didn't pull away. "Do you regret being with me?"

He then felt her give him a return grasp, "What!? No Eren! I never have and I never will! Spending these past few years with you was truly the best times of my life! To be honest, even now I wonder why you ever even thought about using up the rest of the life you have with someone like me in the first place."

He smirked at that. Because he knew immediately as soon as he turned into a lovestruck puppy, completely entranced by her beauty and hanging onto every word of her motivation for joining the Survey as Shadis screamed in her face during the introduction ceremony. He almost wanted to punch the mad bald man for getting spit on her precious skin but he managed to snap out of it when he remembered why he was also there just in time for his turn. It was cheesy, but it was true as can be.

It was also the first in a long time he felt another emotion besides rage since he saw his mother be eaten. She eased those flames. He loved that.

What he didn't love was when she suddenly planted a kiss on his cheek, since he knew it was the last one she would ever give him.

He touched the spot as she turned to leave the room.

She stopped mid step, "Eren..."

He perked up. Maybe she changed her mind!?

"You're not a monster. Despite what everyone thinks. You're grieving Sasha like the rest of us in your own way. You and I are victims, everyone here is a victim of this damn world. I always knew that I wouldn't be able to fix your problems but the fact that you love me showed that you gave it a shot. That's all any of us can ask for. I'm sorry that what we had and finally gaining some semblance of peace along with the others wasn't enough to change your mind." She opened the metal contraption and stepped behind it, covering half of her forlorn face as she said these final words, "I'll always love you Eren Yeager, but now I'm haunted. Haunted by the possibility we could have done this differently."

The only remaining sound was the door squeaking to a close.

Closing on their love.

Eren stared at the ring in his palm.

He knew that he didn't win today. Even if everyone else didn't know that.

Maybe, just maybe, there was a different path they could've chosen to walk down.

Now his remaining future lookers darker and bleaker than before.

**Author's Note:**

> I tried my best to make it make sense with what I know about this series. Hope you enjoyed reading anyway!


End file.
